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Silent grief
by Okami
Wed, 31 May 2000, at 8:41 p.m. CST

Okami slowly slid up to the bar at Kinship's tavern. Nice town, he remarked to himself. I should come here more often. The man tending Bar smiled and introduced himself as Boswick.
"What can I get you sir?"
"Something to induce amnesia..." Okami replied. A bottle of liquor was quickly set down in front of him, and Okami quickly downed it. He looked at the empty bottle, and frowned. How many was it going to take? A pitcher of cider was placed in front of him and he smiled. At least the drinks were served quick.
The bartender struck up some conversation, but Okami only half heartedly replied. Damn Empirials, he thought. No.. It went further than that. Damn father. Damn Britain. Damn Murderers. Damn Yew. He looked at the empty pitcher, and motioned for another.
Sure Aeeyia was safe. Sure he had done a good job protecting Yew. Sure he was innocent. So why was it every time he looked at Aeeyia, and that sore on her cheek, he felt like his guts were being ripped out? Why was it everytime he looked at the trees, he wanted to hang himself off their dead branches? Why was it every time he saw some one begging for an escort, he'd wish he was never born?
So many images stuck in his mind. The drow's smirk as she drove the sword through his chest. Nocturne's smugness when he demanded a 100000 gold ransom for Aeeyia. Ryan's gloating that he just wasn't good enough. Aeeyia laying in that bed in Minoc, bruised and bloody...
"I need another bottle!"
Yup, he was nothing but a screw up. Even now he was handling things wrong. He felt the liquor course through his body like liquid fire. Slowly everything was becoming a blur. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around. There stood Brutus, smiling sadly.
"Its not your fault Okami."
Sure it was. He had tried to play hero, and get noticed, and everyone he knew had suffered for it. Brutus kept talking, but it went in one ear and out the other. Brutus wouldn't have let her down. Nathan wouldn't have let her get kidnapped. Paul would've beat the drow and rescued her. Brutus was getting to the point of scolding Okami now, not that Okami had noticed. Hell, wasn't it natural for Rangers to drink?
Course he was doing that all wrong too. You were supposed to drink to celebrate. Just add it to the big failure I call life.
Okami stood up and brushed by Brutus, ignoring him. Bloody 'ell, Ill just get myself killed and be done with it. Rubbing his chest as he left he winced. Job's half done anyway. Looking around for the nearest monster, he tripped and fell over the bushes behind the Kinship hall. Drunk to the point he couldnt even stand up, Okami smirked. He couldnt even get himself killed right, he thought as he passed out.



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